PARTNER POST- WHAT WE ACTUALLY WANT FOR MOTHER'S DAY

(It's probably not a vacuum.)

Hi, first of all. If you're reading this, I think you should know you are a really great partner. Seriously. Not everyone takes the time for this. Go YOU!

Second, here are some hints to what most moms want for Mother's day.

No, I'm not going to tell you we all want massages or diamonds, more on this later. We are going to have a quick chat about how she wants to spend her time, and how she wants to feel. These are some of the most common "wishes" I have heard from my clients over the years, and I'm sprinkling in some extra advice. None of this should be taken into consideration without a frank conversation with your spouse. We have a post on expectation management for that. Check that out right here.

1. Let her sleep in.

Seriously, this is what we all want.

She likely hasn’t slept well since she showed you the stick she peed on. You could burn dinner, forget a card, or  lose a kid in the grocery store for 5 minutes.

We are more forgiving with more sleep. Take the kids out in the morning so she can sleep in as long as her heart desires, do the closing tasks in the evening so she can get to bed at a reasonable hour, and let her sleep.

Got it? Sleep. We just want to sleep. 

2. Ask her if she wants a gift.

Not all of us are into massages or flowers or brunch, and most of us really don’t want new cleaning supplies. She might not want anything, but a hand-written card from the kids will go a long way here. Maybe she does desperately want a new mop, but I'd add something that says "I don't think of you as our cook or maid" to it.

3. Ask her what she wants to eat (and not the day of). 

No one wants to watch the kids so you can go to the grocery store for a last minute item. Plan out brunch, a picnic, dinner, kids’s snacks etc a couple days before so you aren’t scrambling. 

4. Do the decision making

This is where preparation comes in handy. Please don’t make her pack a diaper bag or pick out the restaurant. If you have questions, ask them on Friday. 

5. Give her an act of service. 

Clean her car. Organize the garage (and label everything, so she knows where you put stuff).  Deep clean the pantry. Scrub out a carseat. Do something that will make her life easier.

(If your first thought is, “I can’t do that while I watch the kids” ... I need you to consider that for a while.)

You have the whole weekend for this, and she will appreciate it. 

6. Take the kids OUT of the house. 

Seriously, she probably never gets to live in her home alone. Give her quiet! Take the kids to the zoo, the playground, the movies, or Grandmas, you get the idea. Even if it’s only for an hour. 

7. Celebrate the off-duty mothers differently, and be in charge of your own mother. 

We typically celebrate Grandma on Saturday, and this has worked for everyone. Don’t expect her to get a gift for your mom and her own mother.

8. Spend the TIME.

If you're cooking dinner, save the recipe or make enough to freeze the leftovers. If the robe you got her doesn't fit, be the one to return and reorder her a new one. If you're doing a whole brunch, be the one to get the kids ready and pack the crayons. Show her that you see her as a partner in parenting, and she will remember this more than any present.

Now, remember that Communication is Key here! She might want something completely different than anything I've listed. Or nothing at all. We are all different, after all! What we all agree on is that we want to feel appreciated and loved by the people we put our heart, sweat, and tears into. This might feel overwhelming, but you've got this.

Thank you for reading this so far! I hope you ALL have a fantastic day celebrating your partner.